Dating Advice
by Gustave Daae Y
Summary: Kylo Ren's dating skills are pretty terrible. Watch as Anakin, Han, Obi Wan and Luke try to help him win the affections of Rey. Kylo had no idea that talking about sand and dirt was romantic.
1. Chapter 1

"Yeah she's super into me." Kylo said, laying back on his bed, a large smile on his face. "You should have seen us together on uncle Luke's island. Sparks were flying. And not from clashing lightsabers this time."

"Finally." Anakin's ghost said sitting beside his grandson. "You've been dragging your feet about getting a girl for far too long. Nice to see you're getting out there. She's the spunky girl with three buns in her hair right?"

"Yep." Kylo said.

"She's strong." Anakin commented, "just like all the rest of the woman in our lives. She'll fit right in. So when did you first meet her?"

"In a forest." Kylo said, remember the first time he laid eyes on her. "And she fainted then I carried her off to the star destroyer."

"Like something out of a movie. So what happened my son's island?"

"It was so intense. And romantic. She was so falling for me. I would have had her if Luke didn't have to go and force block me."

It was at that moment when Ghost Luke Skywalker had enough of this pathetic lie that he appeared in the room.

"You do realize he just touched finger tips with her." Luke said.

"What?" Anakin said, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Luke!" Kylo whined angrily. "Don't embarrass me in front of grandpa."

"Uncle Luke," Luke reminded him. "We may both have tried to kill each other but that's no excuse for not having manners."

"Wait wait wait," Anakin said, making a stop motion with his hands, "you've been moaning about how much you two are in love and how it was "written in the stars" or something for the last hour, and all you two did was hold hands?"

"It wasn't even holding hands." Luke said as Kylo's face flushed red, "I walked in on them, expecting to see them kissing or at least doing something interesting and instead they're just reenacting ET."

Anakin, who had thought he would soon be a great grandpa, slapped his hand to his face.

"You are so disappointing on so many levels." Anakin said, a headache beginning to form, "when I was your age, I was married and my kids were 7 years old."

"When I was your age," Luke said, shaking his head in shame, "I was raising a 7 year old emo child with anger issues because his parents gave up on dealing with him."

"Hey!"

"It's the truth, deal with it."

"Come on Luke," Anakin said, grabbing his arm, "give the man a break."

"You just like him because he idolizes you."

"Why wouldn't he?" Anakin said with a smug smile.

"Yeah tell him grandpa." Kylo said, completely idolizing the man.

"Look I just don't think it's a good idea for Rey and Kylo to be together." Luke said.

Anakin then slapped Luke across the face.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"How dare you insult my OTP," Anakin said as Luke rubbed his cheek.

"Your what?" Luke questioned, in shock from the slap and the strange phrase his father had just used.

"OTP," Kylo said, explaining, a tone of supremacy in his voice, "one true pairing."

"Of course you would know what that means..." Luke grumbled, still rubbing his cheek.

"So why do you feel the need to destroy love?" Anakin asked Luke, siding with Kylo.

"I dunno," Luke said with heavy sarcasm, "maybe because they can't get through a single conversation without trying to kill each other?"

"Minor details."

"Minor details?!"

"Kylo just needs some dating advice." Anakin said, putting his arm around Kylo's shoulder. "And I'm gonna give it to him."

"You're going to give him dating advice." Luke said each word slowly, hoping that his father would get the hint that it was a terrible idea.

"I married a freakin' queen when I was 19," Anakin said, folding his arms in pride, "obviously I did something right."

"Yeah but didn't you end up almost killing her?"

"But I didn't! I was just going through a phase."

"A phase that lasted 23 years?"

"Luke, you're not allowed to talk," Anakin said, chastising Luke a bit, "from what I understand you haven't even kissed a girl before."

"Yes I have!" Luke whined, "several times actually."

"Kissing your sister doesn't count," Anakin said, destroying Luke's argument (and a bit of his pride) "and remind me later to ground you for all of that. And don't bring it up again either. Makes people feel uncomfortable."

"Rey and Kylo together make some people uncomfortable." Luke said.

"Why?" Anakin asked.

"They might be related."

"What do you mean 'might'" Anakin said folding his arms. "Wouldn't you know?"

"Wouldn't you know that you had twins?" Luke said folding his arms in response.

Anakin raised his finger, about to argue with him but couldn't come up with anything so his hand instantly went down.

"Fair point." Anakin admitted. "But considering Han and Leia can't get through dinner without shooting at each other and you're more Mr. 'Jedi Code' than Obi Wan, I think we can safely assume the two aren't related."

"Better safe than sorry." Luke mumbled.

"Do you need a blood test?" Anakin asked, an eyebrow raised, "because you didn't need one when I told you that I was your daddy. If anything warrants a blood test it would be that bombshell."

"Please don't refer to yourself as my 'daddy'." Luke said, his cheeks flushing red, "it seems kinda...I dunno...weird."

"Weird?" Anakin scoffed, "do you know what's weird? Your son calling you 'father' all the time. Would it kill you to not be all formal all the time? Call me 'dad' or 'old man' or something for once. Call me Anakin if you want, Lukie."

"Don't call me that." Luke said, his face still flushing.

"How 'bout Skykid?"

"No."

"Blaster boy?"

"Please stop."

"Chosen one's little one."

"I don't think you get how nicknames work." Luke said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "but I guess it's better than being referred to as your 'offspring'. Not by much though. What was the deal with that anyways?"

"I have no idea." Anakin said before imitating Emperor Palpatine's voice, " 'there is no doubt that this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker'. I mean... why say it like that?"

"Don't forget Obi Wan," Luke added, before speaking in an impression of Obi Wan's voice," 'if Anakin would ever have any offspring, they would be a threat'. Just say children, please. Same amount of syllables and doesn't make me feel like some unwanted animal that spawned out of nowhere."

"Are you two done with-well whatever the heck that was?" Kylo said.

"Oh yeah, bigger problems." Anakin said, his attention back on his favorite grandkid, "gotta keep the Skywalker lineage going."

"Yes because we need more powerful force users in this universe." Luke said, grumpily, "can we just...just let the Skywalker's die out? I mean yeah we've saved the universe a whole bunch but we've also kinda messed it up too. Like major league screwed it up. Like planets are space rumble screwed it up."

"Kylo don't listen to the man who's more solo than Solo." Anakin said, putting his arm around Kylo's shoulder. "We're gonna get you a girl. Specifically we're gonna get you Rey."

"What do you mean we?" Luke said, folding his arms and giving his father a look. "I'm only coming to watch this blow up bigger than Starkiller Base."

"Hey, even dark side users need love." Anakin said, shrugging.

Anakin stood up and offered his hand to Kylo.

"Come on, let's get you some kisses from your little Rey of Sunshine." Anakin said with a wink.

"Ew father, please no dad jokes" Luke said, massaging his temple with his fingers.

"Ok." Kylo said, taking Anakin hand, "but how are we going to do that. I don't even know where she is."

"Easy," Anakin said, "we'll use a force portal."

"Force portal?" Kylo questioned, "that's not a thing."

"Well all the known rules and restrictions of the force kinda went out the window recently." Anakin shrugged. "Now you can use it for pretty much anything to further the plot."

Anakin then opened up a small worm hole right in front of them.

"Sounds like laziness to me." Kylo said, folding his arms.

"Do you want to spend six months trying to track down a rebel base only to get about five seconds of face-to-face conversation with her," Anakin said, his eyebrow raised once more, "or do you want to go through the force portal."

Kylo then jumped head first into the portal. Anakin followed right behind him.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Luke said as Anakin's hand came back through the portal to grab the top of his Jedi robes and pulled him into the portal.


	2. Chapter 2: Anakin Part 1

"This is never going to work." Luke said, using the force to make a bag of popcorn appear in his hands.

"Not helping Luke." Anakin said, parenting his son, "And if you say one more negative thing to Kylo, you will be grounded for a year."

"How can I be grounded?" Luke asked sarcastically, "I'm a flippin' force ghosts. I hover like three inches above the ground at all times."

"Yeah and I'm the one with bad jokes," Anakin said, rolling his eyes and then turning back to Kylo. "Ok, here it is Kylo. You're on the rebel base. Rey will be here in a few moments."

"How do you know she'll be here?"

"The force. Don't question it. Now when she gets her, what are you going to do?"

"Exactly what you told me to do."

"Good answer." Anakin said, pointing passed a few trees in the forest they were in, "Look, there she is. You got this."

Anakin pushed Kylo from behind, bringing him to a little clearing in the woods where the sun can shine off his hair and make him look like a god (at least according to Anakin).

"I got this." Kylo whispered to himself, hearing her footsteps. "I got this. I got this. I don't got this."

Kylo was about to bolt but Anakin blocked his path.

"How are you stopping me?" Kylo asked, struggling against the intangible man.

"The force." Was Anakin's response, "Kylo, listen. You love your grandpa right?"

"Of course I do."

"Good. Grandpa wants you to walk up to her and do the thing."

Anakin forcefully pushed him back into position. Kylo brushed himself off and flipped his hair just like Anakin had taught him to. And for good measure, he even practiced his endearing smug looks that he would give to Rey around step 3.

"You got this Kylo!" Anakin shouted as he sit down by Luke, as if Kylo's love life was a sporting event. "Just follow the first step, ok?"

"Try not to kill her." Luke added in, "That's in step four."

Anakin slapped Luke across the face and proceeded to take some of his popcorn.

"I got this." Kylo said, "Step 1. Just follow the steps. Just like grandpa said."

Kylo's heart pounded even harder as Rey came into view. As expected, Rey instantly reached for her blaster and shot several rounds at him. This, of course, did nothing because Kylo has unrealistic and impossible reflexes because 'the force'.

"What are you doing here?" Rey spat, "How did you find me?"

"The force." Kylo said the phrase that seemed to be the answer to everything now.

"Come on Kylo!" Anakin hollered, "Use the skills I have taught you!"

Kylo took a deep breath.

"Are you an angel?" Kylo asked staring at his feet.

"Excuse me?" Rey said, completely weirded out and confused.

"An angel." Kylo muttered, barely audible, Rey not being able to hear it, "Like from the planet of Lego...they're the most be...ti...fu…"

"Speak up!" Anakin shouted advice. "Radiate confidence and act a bit childish."

"No help needed there."

Luke got slapped again.

"An angel." Kylo said, speaking up this time and looking up at her. "Like from the planet of Lego. They say they're the most beautiful creatures in the entire galaxy."

"Much better!" Anakin shouted, giving a thumbs up. "Keep going!"

"Excuse me?" Rey asked, feeling weirded out and kinda disgusted at the apparent (and horrible) flirting. "Did you crash and hit your head on the way here? What are you doing here?"

"You're not in any harms way." Kylo said, trying but failing to make her feel safe."I honestly have no idea where this place is."

"Then how are you here?"

"The force I guess." Kylo said, shrugging, "It's best not to question it."

"Too honest!" Anakin shouted, "make it more dramatic!"

"I...I just really wanted to see you again." Kylo said another line that his grandfather had told him had worked wonders in his relationship. "With my new job as Supreme leader, I'm not sure if I'll be able to see you again."

Kylo turned around to give Anakin a smile and a face that simple said 'I got this'. Anakin then gave him thumbs up.

"What are you looking at?" Rey said, looking to where he was looking. "You keep looking back there."

"Um nothing." Kylo stammered.

"Remember, be adorable!" Anakin advised. "Show her your soft side!"

"What are you really here for?" Rey said, folding her arms in an attempt to look intimidating. "If you even dare to go near my friends…"

"I'm not a monster." Kylo cut her off, "I'm a person."

"I know you're a person." Rey said, making an irritated face, "It's just a metaphor. Or a simile? I don't know which. You get what I mean. Now get out of here or I will attack."

"Can I give you something at least?" Kylo asked, fingering the necklace in his hand. "I made you this."

Kylo used the force to let the necklace float from his hand into her palm. Rey looked at it for a moment, half thinking it was a bomb.

"What even is this?" Rey said, holding the brutally carved piece of black rock by it's string like it would kill her if she actually touched the pendant.

"It's a necklace."

"I can see that, but why?"

"Um…" Kylo glanced behind to look at Anakin, begging for advice.

Anakin, who was out of ideas at this point, gave him a shrug and motioned for him to continue. Luke, who was entertained at how bad this was going, also encouraged Kylo to keep going.

"I just...just wanted to…" Kylo said, stumbling over his words a bit, "I wanted to show you that while many see you as nothing, you mean something to me."

Both Luke and Anakin slapped themselves in the face.

Rey, offended and having already heard that line before, threw the necklace at Kylo and hit him square in the nose so hard that it made him fall to the ground.

"You do realize that I've made more friends in the past few days than you will in your entire life right?" Rey said, folding her arms once more as Kylo rubbed his nose as it began to throb. "Saving everyone's lives at the last minute is a surprisingly good way to make friends. Now please leave. I really don't want to talk to you...and this was all very weird. And uncomfortable."

Kylo stood up and was still rubbing his nose as Rey stormed off out of sight.

"Well that went well." Luke said.

"I don't understand." Anakin said, perplexed, "That worked wonders on Padmé. What went wrong?"

"What is this necklace even supposed to look like?" Luke said, picking up the black pendant.

"It's the sun." Kylo explained.

The three looked at the pendent. After a few seconds, all three tilted their heads to the side, trying to make something out of the brutal cuts on the rock.

"Ok yeah the necklace was a bad idea." Anakin said, taking the thing from Luke's hand and throwing it as far away as possible never to be seen again except in their nightmares, "But there is no way that step 2 will fail."

"Really?" Luke gave Anakin an irritated look. "You still want to go through with this?"

"I will not stop until these two are together." Anakin said boldly.

"So tell us, oh master of love," Luke said sarcastically, "what happened next on your's and mom's epic love story."

"Well it was ten years before we saw each other again." Anakin said, putting his hand on his chin in thought, actually thinking that it might be a good choice.

"I don't have ten years." Kylo said, foolishly still believing in his grandfather's dating advice. "Let's just skip that. What did you do next?"


	3. Chapter 3: Anakin Part 2

"This is a terrible idea." Luke protested. "Like Jar Jar Binks terrible."

"Hey not all of us can have devilishly handsome comic relief characters." Anakin said, "All I had was a devilishly handsome lead character. That should be enough. And don't be such a stick in the mud."

"You had him hire a fake assassin!"

"No I had him hire a real assassin who's instructions are to set his blasters to stun." Anakin corrected.

"Anakin, I really must protest." Obi Wan said, appearing beside Luke. "This is a rather terrible plan. Worst than your usual plans."

"Hey my plans always work." Anakin protested. "It's gonna work."

"If you are so sure," Obi Wan said, with a slightly edgy smile, "How about we make a wager."

"Definitely." Anakin said with a smile.

"What are you even going to bet with?" Luke asked, "It's not like we use credits. We're ghosts."

"So what's your terms." Anakin said, ignoring Luke completely.

"If Rey and Kylo kiss by the end of today then you win," Obi said, folding his arms smugly. "But if they don't, I win. And Rey has to be ok with the kiss."

"What do I get if I win?"

"Anything you want."

"Fine, if I win," Anakin said, thinking, "You have to only refer to me as 'the chosen one' or 'galaxy's greatest pilot' forever."

"And if Luke and I win," Obi said, "Then you can never call me Obi 'Juan' ever again and will never…"

"Never say the word 'Reylo' ever again." Luke added.

Anakin was a bit taken aback at Luke's request, but the thought of having to listen to Obi calling him 'the chosen one' over and over again blinded his vision.

"Deal."

Anakin and Obi Wan shook hands, sealing their little wager.

"You guys are seriously betting on this?" Kylo said, a bit irritated.

"Don't worry," Anakin said, putting his arm around Kylo's shoulder. "There is no way I can lose. Step 2 is when you get your first kiss. Now go make grandpa proud!"

Anakin pushed Kylo into position, hiding behind a tree a few meters away from where Rey was eating her lunch. When Anakin returned to his fellow force ghosts, he found them both sitting on a log once again eating popcorn as they waited for the show to start.

"So we're going to see how you and Padmé fell in love via Kylo and Rey?" Obi questioned Anakin as he sat next to Luke.

"Yep." Anakin said pulling a boombox out of nowhere (the force), "It was an epic love story of passion and heartbreak. Two lovers torn apart by their roles in society."

"What's the speaker for?" Obi Wan asked because Luke was afraid to.

"Oh it's for their love theme."

"Their what?"

"Love theme." Anakin said, explaining though he was so certain that they already knew what he was talking about.. "Like whenever Padmé and I were in the same room, this weird song started playing. Don't you remember?"

"Oh that's what that music was at the battle arena?" Obi Wan said, putting the pieces together. "Weird place for a love theme to play, isn't it?"

"Well it didn't just play at the battle arena." Anakin protested, "It also played as I was surfing on the back of some random animal. Anyways I thought having some romantic music in the background would help things along."

"So when do you press play?" Luke asked, drawing attention back to the boombox

"When the two stare at each other for a really really long time." Anakin said, growing excited, "Of course that's a bit after the assassination attempt. Ooo it's starting."

On cue, several blaster bolts were shot at Rey from a bounty hunter who flew in on a jetpack. But he missed his target (on purpose) and started shooting several feet in front of Rey so that she would know that she was being attacked. In a feet of fake bravery, Kylo leapt a few feet in front of Rey and deflected the blaster bolts back at the bounty hunter. One of the stun bolts hit the bounty hunter in the chest, stunning him instantly and letting him fall to the ground but since his jetpack was one when he was shot he really should have stayed in the air but the image of a limb man flying in the air is too weird to think about so he falls.

"Are you ok?" Kylo said, turning to Rey who was eating a sandwich.

"Yeah." Rey said, her mouth full of food. "Was I ever not?"

"A...An assassin just tried to kill you." Kylo said, stunned by her calmness.

"He was a terrible assassin then," Rey said, her words a bit slurred due to the food in her mouth "He was using stun bolts and his aiming was terrible."

"Hm…" Anakin said as Obi and Luke both rolled their eyes at him. "That worked out better in my head…"

Rey was about to take another bit of her sandwich when Kylo used the force to take it from her hand. The PB&J (or whatever the Star Wars version of PB&J's are) flew through the air into Kylo's hand. He then tore off a piece of the sandwich, getting sticky peanut butter and jelly on his black gloves, and then used the force to make the piece of sandwich fly right up to Rey's mouth.

"What the heck." Rey said, going cross eyed at the piece of sandwich hovering below her nose. "Give me my sandwich back you nerf herder."

Rey used the force to snatch the sandwich from out of his hands and back into her own.

"This is so pathetic on so many levels." Obi Wan said, so disappointed, "I am so glad I was not around to see this the first time."

"Shush, it's not over yet." Anakin said, putting his finger to Obi's mouth.

"The government is really terrible." Kylo said, trying to get a conversation started.

"If by 'the government' you mean yourself," Rey said, tossing the piece of sandwich Kylo had used the force on into the field, "then yes, yes it is."

"Oh...yeah...right." Kylo said, remembering, "I kinda am the head of the government now...aren't I."

"How much longer is this?" Luke asked. "This is just...just sad. And that's coming from me."

"Well actually I think it's going way too quickly." Anakin said, rubbing his chin with his hand. "But here comes the main event."

Anakin pressed play on the boombox and a romantized version of the imperial march began to play.

"That's the best you could do?" Obi asked, ashamed for him.

"Pathetic." Was all Luke could say.

"Sorry but John Williams was busy writing a love theme for Finn and Rose." Anakin protested, trying to justify the less than lackluster 'original love theme'. "So this was the best he could give me."

"What is that noise?" Rey questioned, confused at the music that randomly started playing. "Do you hear that?"

"From the moment I met you," Kylo said dramatically, but Rey was more concerned with her sandwich than anything else. "all those years ago."

"We literally met like a few days ago." Rey reminded him.

"A day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you" Kylo continued his monologue, completely ignoring her confused and weirded out reaction to all of it.

"Has a day even passed yet?" Rey questioned, "I forget how time works in this universe…"

"And now that I'm close to you again, I'm in agony."

"Don't be such a baby," Rey said, "I didn't mess you up too bad with my lightsaber."

"The closer I get to you, the worse it gets."

"If you come any closer I will mess you up with my lightsaber."

"The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry." Kylo said, seriously regretting listening to anything his grandpa ever told him. "I feel dizzy. I can't breathe."

"Part of me wants you to stop breathing…"

"I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me."

"We didn't even kiss!" Rey protested, shocked and irritated at the man. "We barely held hand. Not even that. Our freakin' fingertips barely touched! You are reading way too much into this."

"My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar."

"If you don't stop this you will be lucky to only get away with a scar."

"You are in my very soul, tormenting me."

"Ben, you're weirding me out. Please stop."

"What can I do? I will do anything you ask."

"Then stop."

"If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me."

"Oh I think I am suffering way more than you." Rey rubbing her temples in irritation.

Everyone was in shock. Both Obi's and Luke's jaws were dropped so low a porg could make a nest in them. Rey felt uncomfortable as all get out. Kylo felt a bit of pride that he was able to memorize that whole monologue but mostly he was just embarrassed by that fact. And Anakin was surprised that that didn't work.

"She slapped you after all of that right?"

"You-you said all of that to Padmé?" Obi asked in shock and horror. "You actually said that. Like in a normal conversation."

"Please tell me that she slapped you afterwards." Luke said in horror.

"I would have arrested him." Obi Wan said, a bit offended, "And people said you were the ladies man of the group? What does that say about me…"

"She slapped you afterwards right?"

"I don't understand." Anakin said, puzzled, "She should look all conflicted not disgusted."

"Ben." Rey said standing up, and everyone's attention went back to the two 'lovers'. "I get that your a lonely emo teenager…"

"I'm literally 30."

"Keep telling yourself that." Rey responded, "But you need to understand that I am so not into you. You kinda killed both of my father figures. And murdered my friends. And blew up a bunch of planets. And...well whatever the heck that was...well it made me uncomfortable."

"Finally." Anakin said, "She said one of her lines at least somewhat correctly. Wrong scene though…But at this point I'll take what I can get."

"I have a feeling that that's what Padmé was thinking when you asked her to marry you…" Obi remarked followed by a hurt glare from Anakin.

"Good job Kylo!" Anakin shouted, foolishly encouraging all of this. "Rey'll come around! Just do the last thing!"

Kylo turned around to give Anakin a quick glare before continuing with the sorry excuse for flirting.

"I don't like sand." Kylo said, only a few steps away from Rey. "It's coarse. And rough. And irritating. And it gets everywhere."

"Now kiss!" Anakin instructed before both Obi and Luke were able to cover his mouth.

A bit surprised, but really eager, Ben planted a quick kiss on Rey's lips, so fast that Rey barely had time to register what was going on.

Rey stood there in shock for a few moments. She blinked a couple of times, processing what had just happened

"Do you know what else is coarse and rough and irritating." Rey asked, her furry begin to show, "You!"

Rey smacked him so hard across the face that it knocked him to the ground and left his gasping in shock.

"I can not believe you would do that!" Rey said, her face becoming bright red with both embarrassment and anger. "Honestly I thought you were more well behaved than this. Just when I was beginning to think you were somewhat civil…Argh!"

Rey stormed off leaving Kylo on the ground, still rubbing his hurt cheek.

"'I don't like sand'." Obi said, his voice filled with heavy disappointment and embarrassment, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and his index finger. "That's the line you used to win over Padmé?"

"It's a wonder how Leia and I were ever born." Luke said, shaking his head.

"I just don't understand…" Anakin said, completely puzzled. "That worked perfectly with me and Padmé."

"Yeah well I don't think Rey is anything like grandma." Kylo moaned in pain, moving his nose and trying to get it to stop hurting. "I think she broke my nose."

"You're lucky that she didn't pull a blaster out." Obi Wan said, "If I had tried that with Satine, she would have had me arrested and locked behind bars and Mandalorians aren't exactly known for their civilized prisons."

"Who's Satine?" Luke asked, weirded out at the thought that their was more than just four females in the galaxy..

"Possibly Rey's grandmother." Obi said, surprisingly calm.

"Obi's ex-girlfriend." Anakin explained. "They had a similar love story to me and Padmé's but mine ended up better. And he dares to say I don't give good dating advice."

"What are you talking about?" Obi Wan said, completely insulted and confused at Anakin's proclamation, "your love story is much worse than mine. Your's led to an entire war for crying out loud!"

"Yeah but you and Satine never had any kids." Anakin said, justifying, "Well at least that we're aware of. Padmé and I had twins."

"Oh yes because that makes up for the deaths of millions of people."

"That's besides the point." Anakin said, dismissed Obi's argument. "The point is that my way is going to work."

"It might have, somehow, worked for you," Obi said, still confused on how Anakin managed to get Padmé to love him with all that garbage, "But it will not work with Kylo and Rey. She hates him and always will."

"Don't listen to that crazy old fossil." a new voice said as another ghostly image appeared.

"Dad?" Kylo asked, staring at the ghostly image of Han Solo. "I thought only Jedi could come back as force ghosts. How are you…"

"The force."

"That's not how the force works." Kylo protested.

"Hey, that's my line." Han said, sternly, "Don't wear it out. Look kid, that was terrible."

"Hey!"

"It was, deal with it." Han said, "But I'm with Anakin on this one."

"You think that his plan is good?" Luke asked, not believing it.

"Of course not." Han said, being hilariously blunt as always, "That plan was terrible. But Rey and Kylo should be together."

"Why?" Kylo asked.

"Because I want at least one member of my family to not have tried to kill me at some point" Han said, "and at this point I don't care if it's an in-law."

Luke, Anakin and Kylo were about to all argue against Han's offensive statement, but…

"Yeah you're not wrong there…" Luke said, rubbing his arm awkwardly. "I did do a lot of stupid dangerous things…"

"I did kinda torture you…" Anakin admitted. "And put you in carbonite…"

"I'm surprised I even got to kill you," Kylo said, "I thought for sure mom would have long before I got the chance."

"So how many more steps of 'Annie's dating advice' do we have to endure?" Han said, folding his arms.

"Well step 3 and 4 are only possible if steps 1 and 2 worked…" Anakin admitted.

"And what steps would those be?" Luke asked.

"Well step 3 was to have a few years of an unhealthy marriage leading to her expecting twins," Anakin said, realizing just how unhealthy his and Padmé's relationship was, "but you don't know for like six months because you're off hunting down a robot with half a lung. And step 4 has her die mysteriously and your kids separated from you their entire lives and you have to save one of them because he refuses to pick up his stupid lightsaber and kill the man attacking him. And instead of thanking you for saving his life, he will just harass you about your 'terrible dating advice'."

Anakin gave a glare to Luke.

"...Thanks for saving my life…" Luke grumbled, rubbing his arm, embarrassed.

"Finally. Only took you 30 years."

"So what step was the marriage proposal take place?" Kylo asked, a bit curious.

"What do you mean?" Anakin asked, taken aback.

"Well Padmé was your wife," Kylo said, rephrasing the question, "so what did you do to ask her to marry you?"

"I-um…" Anakin muttered, puzzled by his own memory. "...What did I do?..."

"You can't remember?" Luke said, a bit shocked.

"Well I didn't do anything special, I know that."

"Wait a minute." Obi said, a bit angry and irritated at his old padawan. "You did all that dramatic and emotional stuff involving how much it pains you to be in love and all that junk. And you didn't do anything special for your marriage proposal? That's like the only time you are allowed to be over dramatic and emotional!"

"Apparently." Anakin said, trying to remember the details, "I don't know, everything after the battle arena was just a blur."

"Eh I think I was drunk when I asked Leia to marry me." Han said, sympathizing with Anakin, "I can't remember any of it. All I know is that one minute everything was great: empire destroyed, my stupid father-in-law got blown up, the other dude in the love triangle turned out to be the girl's brother. And then the next thing I know, I'm raising a kid."

"You did a great job with that." Obi said sarcastically.

"Hey I'm right here!" Kylo whined.

"I know." Obi Wan said.

"So we all agree that Anakin's dating advice was terrible right?" Luke interrupted, not really wanting to see what would happen when a force ghost fought someone alive.

"Agreed." Everyone expect for Anakin said.

"Good." Han said, his signature smug smile gracing his lips, "I think I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure that's a good idea…" Luke asked, clearly saying that he thought it was a terrible idea.

"Can it, kid." Han said, pointing to Luke. "I married a princess and kept her interested even when I was halfway across the galaxy. I know what I'm talking about."

Han put his arm around Kylo's shoulder.

"Com'on son," Han said, "It's time for your ol' man to teach you how to get a feisty woman."


	4. Chapter 4: Padme Part 1

Rey was still mad when she went back into the base. To take her mind off of things, she decided to try to fix up the Falcon. There was always something to fix on that thing.

"Stupid Ben." Rey said, randomly rewiring some wires in hopes that whatever was wrong with the ship that day would go away. "Oh when we have our next big fight...argh I wish my lightsaber wasn't broken…"

"Rey? Are you ok?" Leia called, appearing inside the Falcon for no reason other than plot line- I mean, out of motherly concern for her dead brother's two day padawan.

"I'm fine." Rey lied.

"I can tell you're lying." Leia said.

"How?" Rey said, poking her head from out of the secret supply carriers under the floorboards. "Could you tell with your cool force powers?"

"Nope." Leia said, a bit smugly. "You just told me."

Rey got out of the hidden floor compartments and sat down beside leia to have their girl talk jawbone.

"So let me guess." Leia said.

"Ben." Both Leia and Rey said at the same time.

"What did my crazy son do this time?" Leia asked, feeling a headache coming on.

"I think he...I think he was flirting," Rey said, still confused on what happened, "But I'm not sure. The whole thing was so awkward. He stole my sandwich. And then he said that he hated sand. And then kissed me."

"Is he still alive?" Leia asked, though there was little concern in her voice.

"Yeah."

"Hm…" Leia said, "Thank you for restraining yourself."

"No problem."

"So he hated sand?" Leia asked. "Odd thing to say."

"No it's not." Another voice said as a ghostly woman appeared before the two of them.

"Who the heck are you?"

"Padme." The ghostly woman with flowers in her hair said, "I'm Ben's grandmother."

"You're the one who married Darth Vader?" Rey asked.

"Well yes and no." Padme said. "His name was Anakin."

"Wow. you're prettier than I thought you would be." Rey said shocked.

"Thank you." Padme said, tossing her hair back, a few force flowers falling onto the floor, "You're really pretty too. No wonder my grandson has a thing for you. Even if he's going about it all the wrong way."

"Were you like a trophy wife or something?" Rey asked before she could cover her mouth to stop herself.

"What?" Padme said, a bit offended. "No. I loved Ani."

Rey bit her lip to keep her laughter from escaping.

"What's so funny?" Padme asked, not really offended but rather confused.

"Sorry," Rey said, letting her smile show, "It's just… Darth Vader, one of the most evil people to ever live in the galaxy, his nickname is Annie?"

"Yeah well that nickname goes way back," Padme said, smiling, seeing the humor in her husband's nickname. "That's what I called him when he was little. He was like 9 I think. It just sort of stuck."

"Like a poisonous leach." Leia said, somehow not crying after finally meeting her mother who only appeared to get romantic gossip. "I've had my fair share of nicknames. Han's favorite one was calling me 'a committee'. Though I have to admit that 'Annie' is much worse."

"Ani." Padme corrected. "One 'n' and no 'e'."

"How can you tell that that's what we're saying?" Rey asked, really confused.

"It matters to the fans." Padme said, looking at the fourth wall, "They get really mad when character names or planets are misspelled."

"Um...ok…" Rey said, just going to ignore what just happened. "So do you have any ghostly wisdom about what I should do about Kylo?"

"Well do you love him?" Padme asked.

"Um...no not really…" Rey said.

Padme raised an eyebrow.

"Don't give me that look." Rey stammered. "Why would I be in love with him? He murdered Han. And like blew up five planets."

"Technically he didn't blow up anything." Padme said, smiling a bit. "That was Hux's fault."

"Who's Hux?" Rey asked.

"Pasty, creepy, ginger guy who you will probably meet eventually." Padme said, "But that's not what we're focused on right now. Right now we're focusing on you and Ben."

"There-there is nothing between us." Rey stammered.

Leia and Padme gave each other a look that clearly said 'yeah, sure. What ever you need to tell yourself'.

"I've been watching over Ben for all of his life." Padme reminded her, "I saw everything he did, and more importantly what you two did together."

Leia didn't really like the tone of what Padme said.

"You two didn't do anything...um" Leia tried to find a way to say this without changing the rating of the fan fic she was currently in. "too PG-13 right?"

"What?" Rey said, confused, which seemed to be her most used emotion at this point.

"Don't worry," Padme said placing her hand on Leia's shoulder. "They most they did was touch fingertips."

"Thank goodness." Leia said, relieved, "Wait. 'touched fingertips?"

Leia looked at Rey to confirm. She nodded.

"I guess that is as romantic as you can get nowadays without raising the ratings." Leia said, now disappointed in another way.

"It wasn't romantic." Rey protested, shaking her hands.

"Sweetheart, please." Padme said, her arms folded. "There was more chemistry in that scene than the entire series of Breaking Bad."

"Huh?"

"You'll find out once your dead." Padme continued. "If you don't have any feelings for him, then why did you reach out your hand to him?"

"I-I was curious." Rey stammered, feeling uncomfortable as two older women surrounded her. "I wanted to see if we could actually touch each other with our force bond."

"And why would you want to know that?" Padme said, raising an eyebrow and smiling. "Why would you want to touch him?"

"Ew gross," Rey said, just realizing what Padme and Leia had been talking about. "No no no. Nothing like that."

"I distinctly remember that you only wanted to save him from the darkside," Padme said, teasing a bit, "after you caught him with his shirt off. Can't help but think those two things go together."

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"Wait," Leia said, holding up her hand. "Snoke connected your minds while Ben was about to take a shower? Or was he just walking around his room shirtless all day waiting for Rey? Because either option is kinda...disgusting."

All three women in the room visibly shuttered.

"It's best not to think about it." Padme said, knowing the answer but not wanting to admit to either. "That aside, you can't deny that you a bit flustered and speechless at the sight of him like that."

"Well yeah," Rey said, wringing her hands together nervously. "How would react if all of the sudden and out of nowhere you saw a half naked man a few feet away from you?"

"Eh I got used to it being married to Anakin." Padme said, remembering her handsome husband. "Jedi, and Sith for that matter, tend to be ripped, as you have figured out."

"I do not find him attractive."

"You're blushing." Leia remarked.

"I am not!" Rey protested, clearly blushing, and beginning to rant. "I am not in love with Ben Solo! Why would I be? He's the Supreme leader of the First Order. He murdered Han who was the only father figure I've ever had. He's violent! He tried to kill Finn for trying to rescue me from him. He brutally murdered Snoke and his guards so he wouldn't have to kill me."

As Rey continued to talk, Leia and Padme noticed a change in her voice.

"Not to mention he's so emotional." Rey said, continuing to describe Ben Solo, "He always looks like he's moments away from crying. Like he's always so near his breaking point but he just keeps it in: constantly fighting his inner demons. And-and how he pretends he's in complete control to try to hide that he has no idea what to do and that he's truly terrified on the inside. And no matter how many times people kick him to the ground, figuratively and literally, he just gets right back up again. He's so broken. Desperate to try to fix himself but he's just unable to. Taking the advice of people who are untrustworthy. People who only want him for personal gain. He doesn't know how to deal with people...or emotions. He's-he's so alone. So desperate for some sort of human relationship that he likes talking to the girl that scarred his face and only sees him as a monster. So afraid of rejection that his hand trembles when he offers it to me."

Leia and Padme stared at Rey in silence.

"Yeah, can't see why you would be attracted to that." Leia remarked.

"And I thought Anakin was dramatic." Padme said, sitting next to Rey, who was now staring at the floor.

Padme gripped Rey's arm, a warm tingling sensation spreading through her veins from where the ghost touched her.

"Rey," Padme said her name much like how Ben said it: like it was a plea, an apology and comporting whimper all in one. "It's ok to have feelings for…"

"No it's not." Rey said, gaining her composure. "Maybe if things were different. Maybe if the galaxy wasn't in pieces. And maybe if he hadn't been acting so weird lately, then maybe…"

"Maybe what?" Padme said, kinda glad that her future daughter in law was opening up a bit.

"I don't know." Rey said, thinking over everything. "But I swear if he complains about sand again there won't even be a 'maybe'."


	5. Chapter 5: Han Part 1

Chapter 5: Han Part 1

"Han, this is a terrible idea." Luke said for the third time that day.

"Be quiet Luke." Han said, "I'm trying to fix something here."

"Yes because you are so great at fixing things." Luke said. "Remember all those times you 'fixed' the falcon and I almost ended up at several unwanted family reunions?"

"I hate that stupid ship." Anakin mumbled. "Even when it's broken it still gets away."

"Honestly Anakin," Obi Wan said, his fingers rubbing his temples, "You need to let go of the fact that you were bested by your son-in-law and his ship several times. You have to acknowledge that some people are better pilots than you."

"Wanna bet?"

"Save it for next week's bet please." Luke said, finding his father annoying instead of terrifying which was rather new to him. "Han, are you almost done?"

"Almost." Han said, biting his lip like an artist would when painting a masterpiece as he ran a greased comb through Kylo's hair. "Dang kid you are pasty."

Han stepped aside to relieve Kylo Ren...or at least what they all assumed was Kylo Ren. Truth be told, he looked like a man who had to figure out a halloween costume last minute and went with Han Solo because it was the easiest thing he could think of. For the first time in his life, he was wearing white: a white shirt with a cut in the neckline that showed off some of his muscles on his chest to be exact.

"Han," Luke said, biting his lip to keep himself from laughing with Anakin and Obi Wan following suit. "I don't know how to tell you this, but he looks terrible."

"I haven't felt this uncomfortable since Rey caught me with my shirt off." Kylo growled, angry and feeling the need to break something being in his father's clothes.

"What on earth...Mustafar", Obi Wan corrected himself, "were you doing with your shirt off?"

Kylo just shrugged.

"Look Luke," Han said, pointing his finger at him, "When it's your turn, you can try to fix him. But right now I'm fixin' the kid"

"I'm not giving him dating advice." Luke said, rubbing his temple with his finger. "I've already tried helping him before. He can't even follow the simplest instructions. 'Ben, don't go to the Darkside.' 'Ben, don't throw your kyber crystal around like that: you'll crack it.' "Ben! Your pants should NEVER go above your belly button!'"

"He does seem to have selective hearing." Obi Wan said. "He listened to everything Anakin said...against his better judgment."

"He at least got a kiss out of it." Anakin protested.

"Doesn't count." Obi Wan said. "She didn't kiss him back."

"And she looked like she wanted to kill him." Luke commented. "Which is saying something because I think she is the only one in the galaxy that doesn't want him dead."

"I get the feeling." Anakin said. "I think his only 'friend' is that ginger that tried to shoot him while he was knocked out. Kinda sad really."

"After this," Obi Wan continued, "we have got to work on his people skills"

"I'm right here you know." Kylo pouted.

"We know." All of the ghosts chidded back.

Kylo let out a frustrated sigh.

"Lighten up kid." Han said, putting his arm across Kylo's shoulder. "Soon you and Mary Sue will be ruling the galaxy like you always imagined."

"Or they will be trying to bring peace to the galaxy." Obi wan said, an eyebrow raised.

"And her name is Rey." Kylo remarked.

"Same difference." Han said, brushing the remark aside. "Just do as I say and you'll be great."

…

Rey was sitting in Han's chair, her leg swung up over the armrest, as she did nothing in particular. Her next cool adventure wasn't going to happen for, what was rumored to be, five years so she had a lot of time to just train and wait for the First Order to find their base again. Rey had a feeling that Kylo wouldn't be trying to find her with an armada any time soon considering he apparently had the ability to just pop in on her at any time. She began to wonder if it would help things if they just set up a schedule or something to follow as to not have another repeat of the whole "high waisted spandex" incident.

When she felt Kylo's presence appear on the Falcon while she was currently in the refresher, she knew that they **had** to get a schedule worked out.

"Rey?" Kylo asked, searching the ship for her. "Hey, where are you?"

Rey groaned before responding.

"I'm in the bathroom- I mean the 'refresher'." She called through the door, knowing full well that he would hear.

"Oh. ok" Kylo said, sounding almost disappointed and definitely uncomfortable. "Um...I'll just wait for you to-um-finish what you're doing then."

After a few moments of silence, Rey spoke again through the door.

"Ben, sitting right outside the door won't make me come out faster." Rey said, irritated, feeling her cheeks flush in both frustration and embarrassment.

"Oh um yeah…" Kylo said, realizing how stupid he was being. "I'll just...I'll just be in the cockpit."

Rey finally thought that she would be able to relax and just use the 'refresher' like a normal person but she was quickly proven wrong as she felt the ship take off. Feeling more mildly annoyed rather than concerned, she didn't even bother cutting her time short. She would fix whatever Kylo had done afterwards.

"Ben, seriously." Rey said, finally leaving the refresher, "We need to lay down some ground rules. First of which is 'to not try to kidnap me while I'm in…"

It was at that moment when Rey finally noticed that Kylo did not look like Kylo. For a moment, she thought she was looking at a younger and more pasty Han from everything from his appearance to how he was sitting in his chair. But he was definitely no Han Solo. He may have been attempting to look cockily comfortable with his arms hanging over the sides of the chair, his back slouched and his legs open wide, one of which was thrown over the armrest of the chair he was in, but he clearly was not comfortable. Kylo had this expression of discomfort...almost pain in the position he was in. It was also clear that he was not pleased with what he was wearing either. The off white loose shirt with an open collar practically blended into his pale skin which was way more exposed than Rey had ever seen it (well other than that one time…) and he was clearly not happy about it.

"What-what are you wearing?" Rey asked, but she knew the answer.

"Oh hey Rey." Kylo gave his best cocky smile which make Rey shutter.

"What do you want?" Rey asked, hoping to get him away as soon as possible.

"It's quite a remarkable ship isn't." Kylo said, fiddling with the control panel.

"Uh yeah sure." Rey said, uncertain where he was going with this.

"She made the Kessel run in less than 14 parsecs."

"Twelve." Rey corrected, unknowing that someone else had just said the same thing. "It made it in twelve parsecs."

"Not if you round up."

"What does that even mean…"

Kylo stood up from his chair, bumping his head on the ceiling but pretended that he didn't. Rey tried to back away from him, but one of her feet refused to move, causing her to fall. Unfortunately, Kylo caught her in his arms.

"You tripped me on personal you piece of-"

"Shush." Kylo said, trying to hide the redness in his face (He was actually holding her! And she wasn't unconscious this time!) and holding her a bit closer.

"Let go."

"Don't get over excited."

"What?"

Kylo put her back on her feet (maker he could hold her until he died) and pried himself away from her skin.

"I don't have time for anything else."

Kylo gave her a cocked smile and a wink (struggling with both) before leaving the cockpit.

Rey just stared at where he had been, wondering how on earth he had gotten worse than before.

She was starting to prefer sand.

…

"That's my boy." Han said, slapping him on the back.

"You don't think it was too much?" Kylo asked, still feeling her body in his arms. "She didn't really like me holding her…"

"Since when do you care about respecting her right to her body?" Luke huffed, fiddling with the cards in his hand.

"Last time I checked," Obi said, throwing down a card. "You forced her unconscious, carried her off yourself…"

"That's my boy." Han said approving.

"And then strapped her to a chair," Obi gave a concerned look at Han, "And tortured her."

"I didn't really torture her." Kylo explained. "I just...uh...force I made her cry didn't I…"

Any happiness that Kylo had gotten from finally making his dad proud vanished.

"Hey don't you dare go emo on me again kid." Han said, shaking him a bit. "Don't worry about it. The next step is when you get the little lady to kiss you."

"It's going to be consensual this time right?" Kylo asked. "Not because I want you to win some bet…"

"Common make your grandpa proud!" Anakin shouted, playing the card game with Obi and Luke, "I fold."

"Don't worry kid." Han said, putting his arm around his son's shoulders. "She's gonna be all over you."

Kylo felt his face turn red.

…

Rey was fixing something or other on the falcon. There was always something wrong with that old bird. She felt the usual buzz on the back of her neck when that pest decided to make an appearance.

Kylo reached behind her, pretending to give her a hand, but they both knew what his intentions were. She elbowed him in the ribs.

"Take it easy, my empress," Kylo said, "I'm only trying to help."

"Your what?"

He got closer and once more she elbowed him.

"You make it really difficult you know."

"I really do." Kylo knew he was supposed to take her hand, but that was something he refused to do.

He wasn't sure why, but taking her hand, that was sacred. That was something she had offered him. He didn't take it from her. He didn't force it on her. She extended it to him first and he happily accepted. When he offered it to her...she refused.

But he was not going to ruin that.

The moment when their fingers touched…

He was not going to ruin that.

He ruined everything else in his life-he was not going to ruin that.

No matter what happened, he would have that memory.

"You could be a bit nicer." Kylo said, "Admit it, sometimes you think I'm alright."

"Occasionally," Rey said, turning to him, "When you aren't killing people or kidnapping me. Most of the time you act like a monster."

"Monster?" Kylo said, licking his lips a bit, "I like the sound of that."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that."

"You've given me the same look before. What are you so afraid of?"

"Afraid? Of you? Excuse me who left who bleeding out in the snow."

"You're trembling."

"I'm not trembling."

"You like me because I'm a monster. There's not enough monsters in your life."

"I happen to like guys who don't try to trap me."

He had her backed into a wall now, his arm resting against the wall. It took all of his energy to keep his face from going completely red. He was towering over her. He was so close to her. It felt right to be this close to her...but also so wrong. Their noses were almost touching. Their lips were so close. He closed his eyes and parted his lips a bit, waiting for hers to brush his own. Her eyes glanced down to his lips as she felt the wall. Any closer and they would be smashed against the wall of the falcon.

He petted her hair, his palms brushing her cheek.

She returned the gesture by kneeing his lightsaber.

Hard.

He was unable to move due to the sharp, knife-like agony between his legs. He fought back tears and bit his lip while she scurried away.

…

"Oof I hope he can still have kids after that one." Anakin said looking down on the pathetic man laying in bed after that particular painful rejection.

"I hope you can't." Luke said, him also looking down at the pathetic man laying in bed after that particular painful rejection.

"Hm...Leia never did that to me." Han commented.

"She thought about it." Luke confirmed. "But she didn't want to ruin her future kids."

"Not that it mattered." Obi said.

"Do you guys ever shut up?" Kylo groaned.

Maker, it hurt.

"You're plan failed." Anakin leaned over to Han to point out the obvious.

"Well there's still more." Han assured Anakin with a wink.

"No." Anakin said with a devilish smile.

Han gave the same devilish smile and a nod.

"No." Anakin shook his head, still laughing a bit.

Han nodded again.

"No." Anakin shook his head.

Again.

Han nodded.

Again.

"Are you getting any of this?" Obi leaned over to Luke.

"You wouldn't like it..." Luke put his head in his hand and just shook his head. "The stupidity of it is just…"

"Hey," Han said, raising his eyebrows repeatedly, "If it works, he'll get two kisses out of it."

"Han, it's dangerous…"

"He'll be fine." Anakin chimed in. "I've gone through it and I was fine."

Luke gave his father a tired look.

"What exactly are you guys winking about?" Kylo groaned, rolling over.

"One word." Han said…

"Carbonite."


	6. Chapter 6: Han Part 2

Chapter 6: Han Part 2

"Dad," Kylo said, staring at the hole in the floor with smoke billowing out of it. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"You'll be fine." Han said, hitting Kylo on the back which somehow actually made Kylo stumble forward a bit, almost knocking him into the hole. "I've survived it. It's actually kinda pleasant. Like going to sleep."

"Sleep is for the weak."

"Enough of the Sith stuff."

"Actually, that's not a Sith thing." Anakin chimed in. "Just an emo thing. But Han is right, being frozen in carbonite ain't that bad. I've done it before. You wake up a bit confused but almost like no times past."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Luke added in, "But I agree with Ben on this one. This is getting out of hand. And what is this even going to accomplish?"

"Two kisses actually." Han said. "Leia gave me one when I went in and one when I came out."

"And how is that supposed to happen…"

"Ren," A shrill voice said coming into the room. "We've talked about this. You can't have fog machines-they mess with the troopers aim which is already lacking to begin with."

General Hux came in, a bigger coat on top of his other coat and a look of a man who was still doing his best to be a good villain despite being completely shafted by two directors and someone who most certainly died 36 (or 31) years ago. What he saw was the Supreme Leader inches away from a carbon freezing chamber (which Hux did not remember being in Kylo's quarters before) and 4 dead people.

Hux opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it just as fast.

He then turned his heels, having no patience or creativity about how to handle this situation. Though it could easily made into something funny-maybe even plot changing or character developing.

"Anyways," Luke slowly turned the attention back to Han, "How is he supposed to get a kiss before he goes in if she isn't even here."

"I've got someone on it." Anakin replied.

As if on cue, Rey was beamed into the room, accompanied Padme and Leia.

"Thank you, my love." Anakin said to his wife.

"No problem, Ani."

Han snorted.

"Whoa." Kylo said, taking a good look at Rey.

Rey was wearing a fancy dress which made no sense since she was living on the run and a Jedi who enjoyed doing a lot of backflips.

"Yeah your grandmother made me wear it." Rey said, hiking up the yellow, pink and purple skirt and tying it up. "It's not as bad as that black dress…or that bikini..."

"You look beautiful, honey." Padme said admiring her work. "Yellow suits you."

"Ben, her eyes aren't that low." Leia corrected her son who instantly shot his eyes away from wherever he was looking. "And close your mouth. You are not a gungan."

His mouth snapped shut but the redness in his cheeks didn't go away.

"You did great, darling." Anakin said, kissing his wife's hand.

She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Even dead you're wearing the same jacket." Leia commented.

"Different shirt though. Got a hole in the last one."

And Ben just stared at Rey, unable to make anything that remotely sounded like English.

"Ben, is there a point in me being here or can I just go home." Rey said, scratching her head wearing a particularly painful bobby pin was sticking into her scalp.

"Oh uh yeah…" Kylo forgot everything he was supposed to do.

"Is that a carbon freezing chamber?" Rey asked.

The ghosts all gave a small nod.

"Ben…" Rey said, putting her head in her hand. "This is getting out of hand…"

"I'm gonna jump." Kylo said, finally able to manage a few words.

"Why?" Rey said, more irritated than concerned. "Just-just why?"

"Because I don't know what else to do."

"How about getting your sh-"

"Rey, only Poe can cuss in these things." Leia reminded her.

Rey let out a frustrated screech.

"How about getting your crap together," Rey suggested, pulling down her eyelids. "And leaving the dark side. Would that be so hard? And what are you 4 doing here anyways?"

"Winning a bet." All of the ghosts said.

Rey let out another groan and turned towards the door.

"I'm gonna do it Rey!" Kylo shouted at her. "Don't you want to do something?"

"All I want to do is go back to the base."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you really sure?"

"Ben…"

"Are you sure you don't want to do anything?"

Kylo puckered out his lips ever so slightly.

Rey's scowl increased ten-fold.

"I'm done." Rey said, throwing up her hands walking out the door.

Just as she left the room she heard the hiss and fizz of the carbonite machine go into action. She looked to the heavens. She gave a loud, exasperated sigh. She rubbed her face again. She heard a loud clang.

'Don't look back,' Rey thought to herself, 'Don't look back-don't look back. You know what he did-don't look. You'll just get all sympathetic.'

She looked around.

There he was, laying on the floor, frozen in carbonite.

'Just check to see if he's alive.' she told herself, stepping towards the carbon brick, her beautiful gown billowing behind her like a glorious sunrise.

He was alright. Well, physically. Personally she thought he had taken one too many hits to the head. She half thought about leaving him for Hux to handle, but she didn't trust the ginger. Knowing him he would just lug the brick into an ocean, not really killing him but preventing him from ever living again.

She sighed and pressed the buttons on the side to release him. He looked so pathetic. His hair did look pretty terrible when it was wet and plastered against his forehead. That being said, she did find the wild and confused and vulnerable look in his beautiful mahogany eyes rather endearing. His little shivers didn't help matters.

He felt around. She knew he was looking for her, hoping that she would offer him something to grab. But she was not going to fall for that trap.

"You were in there for like five seconds," Rey said standing up. "Even if you can't see right now, you'll be fine just as soon. Padme, can you take me home now?"

"Are you sure you don't want to do anything?" Padme motioned towards her grandson.

Kylo looked up at her with those big brown puppy dog eyes.

"Yes I'm sure." Rey said.

"Alright honey."

"See you soon Ben."

"Later mom."

"Ben."

"Goodbye mother."

"Better."

The three women left.

"Welp, that didn't work." Luke stated the obvious. "Kinda cool to see my mom for the first time though."

"Yeah," Anakin said wistfully, "She's amazing."

"Snap out of it Anakin." Obi snapped his fingers in front of Anakin's face. "Are you ready to give up on this ordeal yet?"

"No I am not." Anakin snapped back. "Han, any more ideas?"

"Well the last thing I did was say if she wanted to hook up with her brother I wouldn't stop her." Han said shrugging. "But given the circumstances, I don't think that's a good idea."

"When was that ever a good idea?" Kylo gave the most horrified and confused look at his father.

"It was all an honest mistake." Han said trying to pretend that this wasn't weird with Luke shifting uncomfortably and biting his lip.

"What is wrong with this family…" Kylo put his head in his hands. "And people wonder why I have issues…"

"In your defense kid," Han said. "Your half Skywalker and half Solo-you had zero chance of being a normal, functioning human being."

"Thanks so much for the support."

"No problem, kid."

"Would you stop calling me that? I'm 30!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"You know what, I liked you better when you weren't there."

Han was about to say something but Luke cut in.

"Can we please just call this thing off?" Luke said.

"No." Han said, looking at his son. "The man's going to get that girl if it's the last thing I do."

"Han, you're already dead."

"Welp then I've got a lot of time don't I?"

Luke sighed and turned to Obi Wan.

"Is this how it's been like living with Anakin all these years?" Luke asked.

"Yep."

Obi and Luke sighed.

"So does anyone have a plan?" Luke asked.

All three turned back at Luke.

"What?" Luke asked.

Han gave a motion with his hand.

"No." Luke said instantly. "Don't even think about it. I ain't doing it."

"Ah common," Han said. "Your like the definition of how you should actually treat women. You even get stuck in the friend zone by doing so."

"You know," Obi added, "If you were to teach Kylo about this, he might actually behave like someone who's not a complete disaster of a human being."

"Ok your comments are getting out of hand." Kylo said, clenching his fists.

"I highly doubt he'd listen to me." Luke said.

"If it means Rey will talk to me again," Kylo said, not looking up at his uncle. "I'll listen."

"I wish I had known a few years ago that all it would take was a pretty young lady…" Luke said. "Fine, I'll help you out. But only because I'm tired of you resorting to the solution of throwing her over your shoulder and carrying her off against her will. Again. Han, wipe that smirk off your face or I'm telling Leia."

Luke hadn't been look at Han at the time, but the smirk vanished instantly.


	7. Chapter 7: Padme Part 2

Chapter 7: Padme Part 2

Rey tore off the yellow dress and slipped into her standard white outfit before the bond had the chance to connect them at an awkward moment, this time to the expense of her dignity.

She couldn't get the look of his face when he saw her out of her mind.

He had been stunned silent. His jaw dropped to the floor. His beautiful dark eyes didn't dare to blink. She gave a small smile thinking about how his cheeks went red.

While the dress had been impractical, she'd be lying if she said she hated it. She loved the flowy fabric. It didn't feel restricting like she expected an elaborate dress to be. The colors had been lovely. She was so used to the rugged and dirty colors on Jakku and now within the resistance, the bright colors on the dress stood out but in a glorious way.

But after seeing his reaction, she couldn't bare to wear it.

She threw herself onto the cot within the Falcon.

"Did you see the way he looked at you?" Padme said, squeezing Rey's arm lovingly. "If you'd given him a twirl he probably would have fainted."

"Mom, give it a rest." Leia said, sitting next to Rey.

"I'm just saying to never underestimate the power a woman can have over a man."

"My son is not a man." Leia said, helping Rey pull the purple headbands out of her hair. "Neither was my husband half the time. Real men don't kill or rule over other men."

"Ok well then he's a very tall boy." Padme corrected herself. "But either way, if looks could slay…"

"I don't think that's what that saying means." Rey grumbled, loving the feeling of Leia brushing through her hair like a mother would do to her daughter. "Why are you pushing so hard for this anyways?"

"When Anakin became Vader," Padme said, her voice shifting from excited and happy to remorseful. "I couldn't sense any light or love in him. Just darkness and hatred."

She looked dramatically off into the distance.

"But when I look at Kylo," Padme said, "I see light and love. Faint. But it's there. Ben Solo is in there, fighting so hard to get out."

Padme looked back at Rey and then to her daughter and then back to Rey.

"I know it sounds like I'm trying to live through you," Padme said, putting her hand to Leia's face, "But you have a chance-one that I never had. It's not your responsibility to fix him. He has to save himself. My husband may say that it was Luke that saved him, but it wasn't. Anakin had to save himself. Luke just helped him realize that. My brave little boy…"

Rey loved Padme's smile. She had this aura of motherly affection. Leia had it to, but this one was different. Padme never had the chance to raise her kids, allowing her to fantasize what it was like and strive to be overly motherly every chance she got to see her kids.

"I should talk to him soon." Padme said sadly. "I haven't talked to him much...if at all."

"Good to know I'm the favorite." Leia said, smirking up at her mom.

Padme rolled her eyes and smiled.

"You think there's a chance?" Rey asked.

"I think you know there's a chance." Padme corrected, a playful smile taking hold of her face. "You can't change him, but there's nothing wrong with giving him some motivation to get his act together."

Rey loved her rather dubious smile.

"What did you have in mind?" Rey said, giving Padme the same smile.

…

Kylo took the time to mope after the most recent rejection. He was face down on his bed, his sheets being the only black thing in the room. He wasn't sure when his design team decided to paint the walls a garish white, but it must have happened at some point because that's what they were now. He couldn't figure out where the light switch was in the room. Part of him thought the lights were off and he just wasn't used to seeing the color white that it just looked bright to him.

No matter, instead of fixing the problem, he just decided to sleep facing down, his arms wrapped tightly around a pillow.

Sometimes he'd imagine that it was Rey he was holding and not his Darth Vader themed bedding.

Man he was pathetic.

He felt the familiar buzz of their 'Force bond' or 'Force portal' or whatever was being put to use that this point (truth be told he wasn't sure how any of this worked and every time he tried to think about it his head hurt) and then he gave a groan.

He knew he looked a mess. He hadn't taken a shower after being put in carbonite. His hair was still greasy and was sticking up in places. Not to mention his eyes were red and puffy. He did not want Rey to see him like this. He hoped that if he just pretended he was asleep, she would go away.

15 minutes passed and he still felt Rey's presence a little ways away.

"Rey," Kylo finally said, grumbling into his pillow and hoping she heard him. "I'd rather not do this now. Could you-could you come back in like an hour or so?"

"Huh?" Rey said, her voice sounding sweeter than normal.

"Could you leave?"

"I can't hear you. Get your face out of that pillow."

Kylo grudgingly removed his head from his pillow.

"I said could you come back lat…"

His voice died when he saw her. She had looked breathtaking earlier- an absolute goddess. Her current outfit made his jaw drop as well, but this was for a completely different reason. Instead of wearing the colors of a sunset, she was wearing that was darker than the night sky. The tight leather black dress had a long beading piece that started from her neck and hit the floor. He could have sworn that his grandmother had worn it, but he did not remember those two large slits going up her leg. Thank goodness she was wearing a shawl over the top of it. He wasn't sure if he could handle seeing her shoulders.

"What is it, Ben?" Rey asked, batting her eyelashes.

Was she wearing eye shadow? He'd have to ask her later how she got that gorgeous smokey eye. You know, if he was able to form a sentence.

"Uh ah uhhh…" Kylo swallowed, running his hands through his hair, trying to fix it.

"What's wrong?" Rey asked, standing up from where she was sitting. "Did the carbonite have negative effects? Are you hot? It is a bit hot in here."

Rey untied the shawl that was covering her top and Kylo had to look away. He trusted himself for a few seconds to peer through his fingers but then instantly hid behind his hands again in free that his thoughts would change the rating.

She sat down next to him, her thigh pressing against his.

Now he knew he was dreaming.

She pressed her hand against his, tearing it away from his eyes, forcing him to look at her.

Wake up wake up wake up.

"What's wrong, darling?"

Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup.

Force she was stunning.

"Are you warm, dearest?" Rey said, touching his forehead. "Her cheeks and ears are redder that your saber."

She was playing with his hair, brushing it away from his face. She bent down as if to plant a kiss on his cheek.

He stood up abruptly.

"Nope," Kylo said, pacing back and forth while Rey watched completely amused. "Nope nope nope this isn't happening. I just hit my head really hard or Luke's playing a prank on me or something."

"Quit being over dramatic." Rey said, patting the place beside her.

Kylo really wanted to obey her command. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him to sit down beside her. Force, he wanted to kiss her. No...no he wanted HER to kiss him. If she did that, he'd certainly die.

"Nope." He turned away from the temptress and fixing his eyes on the stars outside his window. "Not falling for it."

Rey sighed sadly.

"It's ok." Rey said, brushing her brown hair into her face. Force, he could smell her sweet vanilla lotion from a planet away. "I'm used to people leaving me."

There it was.

"Rey," Kylo said, his tongue getting twisted in his mouth. "I don't...I'm not... You're just so… uhh."

"The base is so lonely." Rey said, playing with the folds of the leather dress. "I'm the only force user on base. Everyone is treating me like a legend. Finn's been busy with Rose and I think Poe's planning to take me to divorce court for the right to BB-8. Man's he loves that droid…"

'Go with her!' his brain was screaming at him. 'Go with her! Make sure she's never lonely again! Follow her to the ends of the galaxy if she asks!'

"I wish there was someone there who understood all of this." Rey said, Kylo still facing the stars as to not give away his small smile. "Someone to take my hand when I need it."

'Do whatever she asks! Be by her side no matter the cost!'

"Ben, please? All I want is your love. You're a good person-I know it. Come away with me. Leave everything else behind while we still can."

Oh her voice was like velvet.

He turned to face her. He walked towards her, kneeling in front of her. She was leaning a bit against the bed, her hazel eyes locking with his own.

Force, he wanted their kids to have her eyes.

Where the heck did that come from?

He had barely even touched her hand. There kisses didn't even count yet since he had stolen them. But now he couldn't get the idea out of his head. 4 or 5 kids all with her amber eyes and maybe his dark hair. A daughter. Yes. He wanted a daughter with her light eyes and his dark hair.

She offered her hand to him. He took it and gently pressed his lips against it.

'She can't have kids in the resistance' a dark voice whispered in his head. 'It wouldn't be safe. She'd be killed.'

"Ben?" Rey asked, sensing the dark shift. "Ben what's wrong?"

"Stay with me." He begged. "If you're lonely among the resistance, leave. I would never leave you. You'd never be lonely."

He tried to kiss her hand again, but she snatched it from him. She stood up and released an angry huff.

"Rey, don't you see?" Kylo said, standing up-he never really understood how much larger he was than her at that moment. "You don't have to live alone anymore. I've overthrown Snoke. Together, you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be."

"I would like to say I can't believe what I'm hearing." Rey said backing away from him but he kept getting closer. "Padme was wrong- you can't be changed."

"I don't want to hear anything that my family has said." Kylo spat angrily. "They turned against me. Don't you dare turn against me."

"I don't know you." Rey spat back. "I can't follow you down that path. It would break me. And you."

"Because of them? Because of that pitiful resistance."

"Because of you! Because of what you've done! What you plan to do!"

"You know, the last time these lines were said, the lady in question was pregnant with twins."

Kylo raised his eyebrows and gave a wicked smile. He had backed her against a wall. She felt around for something to grab. She could barely move in this dress, let alone fight hand to hand.

"Never." She spat in his face.

He wiped off her spit and then placed his hand on the wall above her head.

"Liar!" He screamed down her throat.

She refused to tremble. She refused to be intimidated by him. She would fight him tooth and nail than submit to him.

"Are you going to choke me." She said with no fear in her voice.

The voices in his head were screaming at him to do so. Thousands of dark voices were overlapping in his brain, tearing his skull apart in rage and aggression.

'Just knock her out...'

'Make her fear you...'

'Make sure she never leaves…'

'She'll submit…'

'She'll take her place at her side…'

'You'll make her take her place at her side…'

'Imagine her on her lap as you sit in that throne…'

'She'll learn to love you…'

'She'll learn to love the children the two of you would have…'

'Think of their power…'

'Think of the love she would give them…'

'They love she would give you…'

'Imagine waking up beside her…'

'Just strangle her…'

'Snuff out her light for a brief moment...and she'll be yours…'

'Take her…'

'Steal her…'

'She belongs to you…'

He raised his hand, ready to crush her throat. That's all it would take, and she'd be his.

Then he saw it.

She had a tear out of the corner of her eye.

She had heard everything in his head. It had made her cry. He had made her cry.

He backed away from her as if he had been burned. She was still pressed against the wall.

"Rey…" Kylo said, looking at his hand in horror. "Rey...Rey I'm...I'm so sorry. I would never. You have to believe me. I would never...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-I'm sorry. Please. Believe me when I say I'm sorry."

She said nothing.

He blinked for an instant and she was gone.


	8. Chapter 8: Luke Part 1

Chapter 8: Luke Part 1

"I'm so sorry," Padme said, her voice cracking.

Rey had her head buried in her arms. She was trying not to cry. She refused to give him the satisfaction of making her cry. He had already caused her so many tears. She was not going to give him more.

"Rey?" Padme asked. "Can I hug you?"

Rey wasn't sure how to respond. She couldn't remember a time when someone had asked to touch her. It had always been against her will. The only time she really was touched with her permission is when she offered him her hand...and he took it.

She nodded.

Padme wrapped an arm around her. Rey thought it would be cold. She always thought of death as cold. But it wasn't. It was like being wrapped around by a warm blanket.

She broke down crying, burying herself in Padme's arms.

"I was so scared!" Rey finally spoke, her words muffled by tears and soft blue fabric.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart." Padme whispered. "No one should have to go through that. I'm so sorry for putting you through that."

"It wasn't your fault." Rey said. "No one could have known he would try that."

"But we did." Padme said. "History repeats itself. I know there's light in him...but I always forget how strong the darkness is. I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"I'm gonna slap that boy so hard." Leia said, taking Rey's hand. "Han might have been pushy, but he never threatened to hurt me."

"Don't worry, dearest." Padme assured her daughter, "I'll handle it."

…

"You messed up big time." Luke stated the obvious.

"That's enough, Luke," Obi Wan said.

Obi Wan had his hand on Anakin's back. Anakin had his head in his hands, pulling his hair and whispering to himself.

Han was silent.

Kylo hated feeling the presence of the ghosts around him. He just wanted to be alone.

He always said that he would never hurt her. He thought he would never hurt her. He was CERTAIN he would never hurt her. But he had been seconds away from strangling her. If he had done that...he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

"BENJAMIN CHEWBACCA SOLO!"

Kylo bolted up, having flashbacks to when his mom said his middle name. His instincts told him to pick up the dirty laundry on the floor and shove the soda cans underneath his bed.

"Oh no." Anakin and Obi Wan said, looking up in fear.

"What's the matter?" Luke asked.

"This is not going to end well." Anakin said, straightening his hair and sitting up straight, seeming to have the same fear as Kylo.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Luke said.

"Remember how you always wanted to meet your mom?" Anakin said, now turning to fix Luke's hair.

"Uh yeah?"

"Welp you here's your chance…"

"YOU'D BETTER IMPERIAL MARCH YOUR $$ BACK TO REY AND APOLOGIZE!"

And there she was, appearing in a blaze of glory and terror. If Kylo hadn't known better, he would have thought she was on fire. No nope she was on fire. And Kylo was sure that if he looked her in the eyes, his entire body would combust.

He felt his body rise off of his bed. Padme pulled Kylo close to her, dangling his body ten feet above the ground.

"Mom was a force user?" Luke asked his dad.

"No, she wasn't," Anakin said, hugging Luke tightly in fear. "The force is just afraid to disagree with her right now."

"I DID NOT SPEND 4 HOURS GETTING THAT YOUNG LADY INTO A DRESS AND SOME MAKE UP FOR YOU TO SCREW IT UP!"

She slammed Kylo against the wall.

Anakin, Obi and Han flinched hearing something crack. Luke didn't because he couldn't see or hear anything at the moment because Anakin had Luke's head buried somewhere in his robes.

"Ow." Kylo said.

"IF YOU MESS THIS THING UP ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR YOU'RE GOING TO WISH YOUR UNCLE KILLED YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

She let him drop to the floor. The flames died in an instant and the flowers reappeared back in her long brown hair.

"Anakin, is that Luke you're strangling?" Padme asked, her voice soft and gentle.

"Uh…" Anakin let go of Luke who was now gasping for air.

Padme glided to her son, instantly fixing his hair and smothering him.

"Hi mom." Luke said, his face smooshed against hers.

"Hi baby." Padme kissed his cheek, much to Luke's embarrassment.

Han laughed and Padme shot him a deadly glare causing him to take a step back.

Kylo then gave out a painful groan, reminding everyone who the main character was.

"Did I make myself clear?" Padme said, turning to her grandson.

"Yes." Every man in the room said.

"Good." Padme said, kissing Luke's cheek once more. "Because I have other tactics other than fear."

"Believe me," Anakin said, picking Kylo off the floor. "You do not want to see her other methods."

"I'm sorry." Kylo said. "I promise on my life the thought will never cross my mind again."

"You'd better go tell her that." Luke said, kinda getting used to be smoothed by his mom but pretending to not like it.

"And then what?" Kylo asked, his hands instinctively going to his hair. "How do I get her to give me a chance after I messed up so bad."

"I think you know."

And that was all Luke had to say.

…

Rey felt somewhat emotionally stable. She caught herself trying to justify his actions. He didn't do it. She knew that Anakin had strangled his wife and she had been violent with him on more than one occasion...She stopped herself. His actions, no his thoughts were wrong. They both knew it. She couldn't say or even think for a moment that it was alright. She knew exactly what he wanted to do in that moment- he wanted to strangle her until she was unconscious and then carry her off to his ship and force her to be by his side.

She couldn't justify that.

She heard the familiar buzz of the force bond sparking to life. She didn't turn to face him. She wasn't going to favor him with a glance.

He was silent for a few moments. The only way she was sure he was there was his steady breathing.

"Rey." Kylo said, his voice cracking.

'Don't fall for it.' Rey told herself. 'He's trying to seem sympathetic. He just wants you to put your guard down. You know his tricks. Don't fall for it again.'

"Rey." Kylo said, his hands fidgeting at his side. "I am so sorry."

She didn't move.

"I know what I always did was wrong." Kylo continued, not sure if he wanted her to look at him or not. "No...It was beyond wrong. It was vile. Sick. Twisted. Revolting. Unforgivable. I am so sorry that I put you through that fear."

She refused to cry.

"The truth is," Kylo's voice got quieter. "I can't be trusted around you. I would like to say that I would never hurt you...but we both know that's a lie. I have hurt you. I don't want to. If something were to happen to you that I knew that I could prevent…"

She hated that she could read his mind.

"That's...that's why." Kylo gulped. "That's why I'm going to stay away from you. I'm not going to actively seek out this bond. And if the force connects us, I'm going to ignore it. If you ever wish to talk to me again, I want it to be on your terms. Not mine. Not my family's. Not even the Force's."

She hated that she knew he wasn't lying.

"I'm so sorry." Kylo said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm going to try to be better. I promise. But only you can decide if you ever want me in your life again. You have my word."

She still didn't look back at him.

"I'm sorry."

When she finally turned her head, he was gone.


	9. Chapter 9: Hux Part 1

Chapter 9: Hux Part 1

"Proud of you kid." Han said patting him on the back.

Kylo remained silent, hunched over in his chair and staring at nothing in particular.

"Leave him alone, Han." Luke said, pulling his friend away.

"Luke, that's all I did." Han responded back.

Luke wasn't sure how to respond to this. He wasn't sure how to respond to any of this.

"Ask him." Luke finally said. "Ask him if he wants to talk."

"Alright." Han said, still at his son's side, his voice calm and sincere. "Ben, do you want to talk."

"No." Kylo mumbled through his hands. "Not right now."

"Alright." Han said. "I'll go. But when you need me, I'm here."

All of the ghosts disappeared, leaving Kylo alone with his thoughts.

He wasn't sure what to do. The goal had been 'get the girl'. That was the only goal he had for the longest time. But Rey wasn't some prize for him to win. He shouldn't see her as such. But he did. He shouldn't. He didn't know how to change that.

His treatment of her...his treatment of everyone. His temper-he had to learn to control it. His unchecked rage was great when you're a bloodlusting attack dog. But he was tired of being this way.

He needed help.

He couldn't go to his father. As much as he seemed to be trying, Kylo knew that would only end in arguing and heartache. And Han had little to no experience in sincere emotional help. The other ghosts were no help either. He needed someone he wasn't close to... preferably someone who actually had experiences with abusive behavior.

He hated the idea that came to his mind.

…

Hux was going through his daily routine. He was doing aerobics in a yellow and purple aerobics outfit while reading the most recent reports of all the items Kylo had destroyed in the past month, all of which (except the items on the Starkiller) had to be replaced. Millicent was sleeping curled up in his coat.

He was mid downward dog when the door to his room whizzed open.

"Hux I need you to do something." Kylo said, barging in, "It's important and...what the kriff are you doing?"

"What the kriff are you doing in my room?" Hux said.

"I told you, I need your help with something." Kylo said, staring at Hux's strange attire. "Could you-what they heck are you wearing."

Millicent began to hiss at the intruder. Hux instantly went over to pick up his cat.

"I didn't know you had a cat."

Kylo went to pet the cat's face. She scratched at him, causing his fingers to bleed.

"Ouch, stupid thing."

Millicent hissed at him.

Kylo hissed back.

"What's the deal with your cat." Kylo grumbled.

"Maybe if you didn't put your helmet in her litter box," Hux said, petting the cat like a James Bond villain, "she wouldn't mind you."

"Wait that's her litter box?"

"Ren," Hux said, getting tired of this conversation, "what is it that you want?"

"Oh yeah, uh." Kylo said, trying to remember why he was here, being extremely confused by the cat and the yellow and purple aerobics outfit. "I need anger management classes."

Hux threw his head back and laughed.

"Stunning deduction Sherlock!" Hux said, still laughing cruelly. "What gave it away? The lightsaber marks in the ceiling, the dead red guards that you still haven't cleaned up or did your scavenger girlfriend tell you that you need a life coach."

Kylo clenched his fists and Hux slammed into the ceiling, Millicent still his Hux's arms looking more annoyed than anything else. Hux let millicent go and she gracefully landed on her feet. Hux did not land as gracefully.

"So…" Hux stumbled to his feet. "Anger management classes. And what do you want me to do about that?"

"Get me some."

"Unfortunately, we've tried this." Hux stretched his back, not feeling anything broken but knowing that there will be a few bruises in the morning.

"No we haven't."

"Ren, we've had group counseling."

"No we didn't."

"We had a huge meeting about it on the Starkiller. It was in the MPR. Snoke had food catered in."

"I have no memory of this."

"Ren, you talked to a doctor for 4 hours on the galaxy's news network."

"Not ringing any bells."

"Ren, when the doctor asked if anyone had been victimized by you personally, everyone in the room raised their hands."

"Nope. Didn't happen."

"When the cameras were off and you went to your first private session, you killed the doctor...and anyone else who came after him."

"Oh that's who that guy was?"

"Yes Ren. He was your anger management teacher."

"Oh...that's why he kept asking me about all my business."

"Yes, Ren." Hux had his face in his hand, so done with everything and regretting every decision that led him to his moment.

"Oh...so did you hire another?"

"I tried. No one else would take the job. I offered a freakin' planet in the inner core and no one would take it."

"I'm that bad?"

"Yes. Yes you are."

"Huh. So what do we do?"

"We? You mean me."

"Ok, you. What's your idea?"

Hux gave another exasperated sigh.

"I have your word that you won't kill the person I hire."

"Promise."

"Alright. Your first session starts in 30 minutes. Maybe 45."

"You can get someone here that soon?"

"Well yes, all I have to do is take a shower and do my hair again."

"Wait what?"

…

Kylo was laying on the weird couch. Hux was a few feet away, his legs crossed and a datapad in his hands.

"This is stupid." Kylo mumbled. "What do you know about anger management?"

"More than you." Hux said, continuing to pretend to write something down. "I have a degree in psychology."

"You went to college?"

"Yes. Didn't you?"

"I dropped out of Jedi School when I was like 17 or something."

"Your success annoys me."

"You annoy me in general. So what's your plan?"

"Welp, first we need to get to the route of your anger." Hux said, now doodling a picture of his cat wearing his hat. "So tell me about your childhood."

"No."

"Ren."

"No."

"Ren, I've got actual things I need to get done."

"No."

"Ren, seriously." Hux finally put his foot down. "We both have better things to do. I have to find a way to pay for all the stuff you've broken and you have to go track down your scavenger girlfriend."

"I'm not going to track her down."

Hux paused.

"Why is that?"

"We got in a fight." Kylo mumbled. "I almost hurt her."

"Go on."

"We were just talking." Kylo started, opening up a fraction. "You know the standard "Join me on the dark side" "No back off you monster" but then she started coming onto me."

"Ren, there are children present."

"Nothing happened." Kylo said, annoyed. "Unfortunately… Anyways, since she was flirting with me, I asked her to come to my side. I mean she seemed pretty into me so I thought I had a chance this time. But she refused! I felt so betrayed.

"These voices in my head kept telling me to strangle her. I wanted to. I wanted to force her unconscious and then force her to ma...force her to be by my side."

"You corrected your statement halfway through saying it." Hux commented. "What is it you wanted to actually say."

"You're pushing it Hux."

"It's for your own good." Hux said, loving the tea.

"If you tell anyone this…"

"Patient confidentiality, Ren. I legally can't tell anyone anything you say here. If I even tried I'm sure you'd put a lightsaber through my chest within five seconds. And I rather like living."

"Alright. I wanted-want to marry her. In that instance, I wanted to force her to marry me."

"Hm." Hux said, hiding his smile.

Kylo went on for hours, going into every little gritty detail he could possibly go into. It got a bit out of hand.

"Like, my dad had this Stormtrooper helmet." Kylo rambled. "And he would wear it and chase me around the house. It was terrifying."

"Kylo," Hux finally cut him off. "It's 3 in the morning."

"Really? It's that early? Thought it was later."

Hux gave an exasperated sigh and looked to the heavens.

"So, what's wrong with me?" Kylo asked.

"Kylo, I could have a week and not be able to tell you the number of things wrong with you." Hux said into his hands.

"So what do I do?"

Hux gave another sigh. He then wrote something down on the piece of paper in front of him and then handed it to Kylo.

"What's this?"

"10 ways to manage your anger." Hux said. "We're going at this with goals in mind. First week something simple: go a week without killing anyone."

"I can do that."

Hux gave a small humorless laugh, hoping for the sake of the galaxy and his high blood pressure that he could.


End file.
